Ugh! I hate having conflicted feelings. Usually I can figure things out but sometimes, the answer is not always as clear as I'd hope. Today, I'm conflicted. I know I'll find my answer OR the answer will present itself. Maybe writing about it will make it more clear for me. This often works.
I'm conflicted today because I've been offered an elective surgery date for a procedure that was cancelled back in mid March due to Covid. In the Summer, surgeries were approved again. I received a call on a Thursday, late in the day, for a spot that had opened for the next morning. But I turned it down as our music festival was the very next day. An announcement recently made it sound like all elective surgeries had been cancelled once again. But in reading the announcement again yesterday, I realize the headline and the body did not quite match and in fact, only 30% of surgeries were still cancelled.
On Thursday, late in the day, I received a call from my surgeon's office and I wish I hadn't answered it ~ it said "Private" but I answered it anyway. I was offered a new date of Tuesday to come in for my surgery. I don't think I actually accepted it as I was in a bit of shock and was asking lots of questions. But I must have somewhere down the line said "okay" and now I'm sitting with conflicted feelings.
Why am I conflicted? Here's the list:
The Pros to accepting this date:
* I'm already working from home so no missed work.
* I've been waiting a long time to get this done.
The Cons to accepting this date:
* My student is done on Friday so we have lots to cover this week. I can't just hand her off.
* I have a full caseload of clients who all missed last week because I was on a week long holiday.
* Covid numbers have drastically increased with over 1,000 new cases reported yesterday and 3 new deaths. This is a worry. Is it worth the potential risk?
* Reports are frequent talking about the overcrowding in our hospitals right now, with the ICU's at capacity. And lots of stories of people waiting for surgery who truly need emergent care. A lady in Calgary is waiting for hip surgery. She can barely walk. And yet she has no surgery date and has been waiting longer than me. I feel ethically and morally she should go before me as her need is great ....
* I would have to sit and wait once I'm done, on pain meds and probably pretty loopy until my dh can come pick me up. He can't take next week off as he just had this past week off. And the hospital right now doesn't allow support people to sit with anyone who is going in to surgery OR recovering.
* My last surgery was when I was 18, so I have lots of fears that I've been working through and Covid has become the top of the list now that this is an added concern.
So many mixed feelings. I don't want to regret saying no and not getting this done. But I don't want to regret getting it done and then Covid is present. What if I get my family sick OR I get Covid?
I worry the surgeon may become annoyed if I say no to this date. Maybe he won't agree to keep me on. This has not been shared but it's a worry for me. Likely unfounded. No shortage of surgeons out there for sure but I'd have to start all over again if my no is not well received.
Ugh! I'm off to help dh board and batten our wall. Maybe that will help me come to peace with a decision.
Thanks for listening!
~ Chy
4 comments:
I understand your fears. Anything medical these days comes with a great deal of angst and worry. If you expressed your concerns to your doctor he would surely understand and not dismiss you as a patient. I wish you luck in making your decision.
This is a tough decision in these times. I will pray for wisdom.
I hope sleeping on the matter has helped you see things more clearly. It is a tough decision to have to make, but only you know what is best for yourself and what you are able to handle. Best wishes, Mxx
Oh - Dear Chy, I so understand your dilemma. If you take a look at my recent blog entries you will see that I have recently experienced the very same thing about making a big decision that involves a hospital. It sounds like an outpatient surgery with minimal anesthesia which is probably easier than inpatient. My thoughts are that if you have any reservations, wait until our world of Covid-19 calms down. It sounds like you are still able to be quite active. Blessings in coming to a comfortable decision.
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