Friends. Life.

I love artist Susan Wheelers with her whimsical and colorful prints. Some favorites of mine to feature today. Two mama's, with their two little ones, spending time together. This was my early life while parenting. I joined a mama's fit program when our first baby was just a few months old. I truly didn't need to get back in to shape as I had only gained 16 pounds when she was born and lost 20 at birth. I was in great shape but secretly, I had no friends that had babies in the moment. I met some amazing mama's and this helped me as I learned to parent and still have a friend life. 

Over time, as we moved from one house to the next, trying to get closer to our dream of a cottage in the woods, I had a number of great friendships. I found with younger kids, it was easy to strike up a conversation at the park or while we all waited outside in the school yard for our kids to come out. We always lived in neighorhoods with young families, so just stepping outside often meant a conversation with someone! I joined a local group that was for moms who had chosen to be home with their children and that created a very lovely circle of friends. We still sometimes connect.

But as our kids got older, the friendships became less involved and were harder to form. After our healthy kids had been born, we went through a very difficult stage where we lost our next babies through stillbirth and miscarriage and that created a void as some friends (even family) didn't know what to do with our grief and drifted away, though we did end up with some amazing people in our lives, because of their own shared losses. In time, I finished up the last bits of my post secondary, so then I became busy and that created another void. And then we created our family centre, a Legacy Project in memory of our babies, and there was a further void. Finally, I was hired by our local hospice (not even looking for a job but that's a whole other post!) and my fulfilling work became intensive but very time consuming. 

So what is the point of my post today? Here I am, at this stage and age in life, realizing I have also drifted and my friendship circle is so tiny, I'm not even sure it exists! As I work with women of the same age, some who are mourning the loss of their spouses, time and time again I keep hearing how lonely they are because they themselves didn't nurture a friendship as they got older. Now I have a new task on my list of things to work on .... build a new and strong friendship circle. I don't want to be all on my own if something happened to my partner. I don't want to laugh alone (outside of him and our kids), or grieve, or have something exciting happen and not have anyone outside my family to share it with. I have amazing co~workers and we just did a fantastic Team Building Day last week, so this has also inspired me to let my guard down and be okay with developing relationships with my team, without the fear that they'll leave. We are a solid group on a solid path and it's time to see work as a social circle as well. I also participated in a writing group the other night and connected with at least half the group and will be asking if the moderator, who is a friend and neighbor would ask at least 2 of the women I connected with if we could exchange contact info if they are interested in chatting further. Excited to try.

I think I have sabotaged some friendships that could have been amazing, with the knowledge that we aren't your typical family, or couple, and my work and passions are "different" than the norm. So I keep to myself so I don't get hurt or have to ever feel defensive about any of the life choices we've made. However, at the end of the day, that leaves me feeling extremely lonely, even in a room full of people. The time has come to now change this pattern. The pictures above evolved from the young mama's conversing and enjoying time together, to the older mama's chatting over the fence. This is where I am now but the other side of the fence is empty, so I'll need to find ways to fill it up.

Where are you at in your life with friendships?

Have they stayed the same or evolved over time?

~ Chy