Blogtober: Day 20.

This was posted this morning on FB and I grabbed it as it spoke to me in volumes. I am one of those kind souls who has endured repeated hurt and attacks from others, all of my life. It would take a book to outline every single experience. But going back to review just brings up anxiety in my gut. Each has been dealt with, when possible, or buried away if there was no way to deal. These harsh moments have shaped who I am today. So is it worth it to experience the hurt and then move forward? Always at the time, it feels like the worst thing. I mull over every detail, try to tuck the hurt away, pull it out to get rid of it and somewhere along the way, compromise with what to do. Later, I often feel like I've won a war if the individual or experience has managed to not take me down. But it's exhausting and has left me leery about forging new relationships in the future. 

A theme has emerged over the years. Some of the hurt I've experienced has come from others who seem intent on taking me down professionally. It's been varied but the  message is always the same ~ individuals who are not fans of my eclectic style or literally want to take what I have. This translates to what I've created and continue to provide in community. My work, my volunteer time, my family .... all it at one point has been affected. I'm getting much better at heading it off before it gets big, but in my early years, I was vulnerable to those who were stronger than I was then. At that time, I would really "dislike" the individual but can look back now and realize they were coming from a place of hurt themselves. Or lacking confidence. Whatever their deficit, it's not my path to fix theirs. My responsibility is to not let them stop me from being the kindest soul I can ever be.

Have you had experiences that

have shaped who are you now?

Experiences that came with

great hurt but with great lessons?

~ Chy