This is me today. My mind, my gut and my body are full of anxiety. Anything I've tried to make it calm down has not worked. Outside of the same worry we all have, all around the World with this virus, I have a new concern to share today. If you have a spare blessing, please send one to me.
I'm not one to ask for prayers or kind thoughts. I am pretty self sufficient in working through hard times. It is what I do naturally and what I do in my professional life. But this one is different and scary for me. I have tinnitus in my ears. This is new and confusing, exhausting and worrisome. Tinnitus is a constant ringing in both ears, with for some like me, an added bonus of a very high pitched screech as well. Lovely! Last week, my tinnitus changed a bit and on Thursday, I developed a "whooshing" noise in my left ear that mimicked my heart beat. It was so loud I actually couldn't hear out of that ear. Called our amazing family doctor the next morning (it had happened later the night before) and she was immediately concerned in this change. Her plan was to contact my ear doctor, who I had visited in March, just before Covid began. He had set up a CT scan but it wouldn't be until the early Spring of 2021. However, with the change in my hearing with this new sound, her hope was the ear doctor would be able to rebook me earlier. She did call me later that night to let me know that I would be getting a call with my new appointment. I did get a call first thing on Monday morning from the hospital with the date. I now have a CT scan booked for September 23rd. Nervous to see what's going on (don't read Google, it's a bit scary) but happy to be getting in so quick. But then my doctor called early last night to see how I am and if the new date had come through. I thought getting in on the 23rd was amazing but she was not happy with that. She feels this needs attention now, talked in length with me about what to do if I have even the slightest change and that she wants me to call in and get on the cancellation list so we get a quicker answer and treatment if needed. So now my anxious mind is racing and every little move I make is concerning. Waiting for a call back from the hospital to see if I can get on the list and get in sooner. And this is my plea for blessings. I know it's selfish with so much happening outside our front door and you don't know me. But my worry is big and I feel terrified with the what if's. I need to know how to stay calm and well until we can get an answer. I'm thankful for my amazing family and an incredible family doctor who checks in when we're worried about anything. She is comforting but also needed me to know that she's worried and that I need to be on top of this. I'm following her directions and hope that at the end of this anxious filled time, my health will remain well, that this will be a blip with an answer and a resolution, and that life can continue on from this point, with an extra measure of grace and gratitude for this life, as crazy as it may seem at times. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. So needed now more than ever! Namaste.
~ Chy
10 comments:
Oh, dear Chy, I'm so sorry to hear of your awful health problems, the tinnitus and the anxiery. No doubt you are anxious with all this going on, and the thought of the CT scan as well. I wish I could say all will be well, but that would be plain silly. I know how anxiety can make you feel really ill. Have you any of those earphones or whatever they're called - externalizers? So that they give a noise other than the tinnitus so that you don't hear the sound in your head? I know someone who suffered very badly (and still might suffer for all I know) and this is what he had to use. It is more common, I think, than people appreciate. I expect you've tried all the things recommended in order to relax - a walk in the fresh air, a soothing milky drink, a warm bath, soft music, reading something to distract yourself, spraying your pillow with a lovely lavender sleep mist, deep breathing exercises ... It is so difficult to overcome anxiety, I do know this, as I had a dreadful period of it when I had breast cancer. All I can do is sent virtual hugs and hope that it will pass.
Margaret P
www.margaretpowling.com
Sending good thoughts/prayers your way. I hope you get an appointment very soon and that the outcome is good. -Polly
Praying for you and for a resolution to your tinnitus. What a blessing to have a caring family doctor who is taking this very seriously.
Dear Chy, In no way are you being selfish. Some times The Strong can use some expertise of others. Wishing you The Best Of The Best filled with love and comfort.
Margaret, thank you for such kind words and sharing your thoughts. I am completely terrified of what is to come but am holding on to hope and trying my best to keep busy and distracted. Night time is the worst but I don't dare try and take anything to make me sleep. The unknown is the worst! But we'll muddle through and hope for the best news once tests are completed. Hugs to you for your kindness from afar!
X Chy
Polly, thank you for your good thoughts and prayers. So very appreciated, now more than ever!
X Chy
Granny, she is an amazing doctor. I feel blessed to have her for our entire family, as well as my naturopath. Two brilliant women taking care of me!
X Chy
Mary, I love your words of wisdom. Thank you for your kindness!
X Chy
I think you did the right thing by calling and having the doctor try to get you in earlier. Of course it is worrisome. I have tinnitus and significant hear loss, but it was not sudden and I think it was from radiation treatments I had when I was 35. I am cancer free so it is worth it, still it is a big problem to not be able to hear and tinnitus can just about drive you mad. I am saying lots of prayers for you.
Oh Meredith, I'm so sorry to learn about your tinnitus and hearing loss as well. I agree with the "drive you mad" - so annoying at times but I'm thankful it's not major yet. And so far, no hearing loss. Thank you for sharing and for your kind words.
X Chy
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