Hanging On.

I shot this very sweet pic not too long ago of our grandson who was sitting beside me on the comfy couch, reading his book. I looked over and noticed he had "Groot" hanging on to his arm. He looks just how I truly feel lately ..... just hanging on! Life is busy and stress has once again crept back in. I know this is just part of living but I wish it never had to be. So many things to think about, to worry about, to try and figure out. There is alot ~ I don't even know where to start!

Thinking about .... a big conference I've been asked if I'd like to attend in just 2 weeks in the Rocky Mountains. A change of scenery will be great and I'm currently working through the agenda to figure out which sessions I might like to attend. 

Worrying about .... my mom who has Covid but is doing well, our old house that we've been working on slowly to get ready for selling, the pain in my foot which is a mystery and won't go away, and a "thing" that is kind of, well actually it is really hanging over our heads. I don't see resolution anytime soon and it drives me crazy when "things" sit and we have to wait. I just want it to be all over. But have no control of when that will happen and what the outcome will be. I think of it each and every day and then try to move forward to keep living and enjoying the pieces of our life that don't have this stress attached. I have to believe it will end soon.

Figuring out .... what's next with the other house. We've filled holes, I'm off to the house tomorrow to sand and take down a few screws in the walls (will fill those too). I'll clean tomorrow, lay down drop cloths and start to paint all the walls, the ceilings and the trim. Dh will be repairing the banisters our renters were not kind too and then I can paint those as well. We have someone who is interested in seeing the house so the big push is to get this done asap so she can take a peek. They want to buy privately, we want to sell privately and the market is so crazy right now that if she doesn't buy it, we may still be able to do a quick sale. We're told a house hits the market and sells by the end of the day. Dh doesn't even think we need to do a lot of work, just list but I do want it to show well so that we get a decent price. I don't mind painting, it's a cheap fix and the renters never cleaned the walls and their kids even wrote on a few, so my thought is if I have to put hours and hours in to scrubbling walls, why not just paint! I find painting is my therapy. A few days in the house, with my music and my brush, my writing pad and a pen, and I'll have life figured out by the end of the week! I think it will look new again ~ so fresh.

Having a bit of a lazy Sunday morning. Dh is watching a race, dd is working out, other dd is in her apartment downstairs so I have no idea what she's up to but grandson is off for the week to his dad's so she's likely enjoying some peace and quiet! And I'm still cozy in bed, writing, reading blogs, munching on a treat and mustering up the energy to hop out of bed and enjoy a long, warm shower. We're heading off to a hockey game this afternoon, courtesy of a dear friend who's company has a skybox at the arena. It's a fun affair as the seats are premium, we get to indulge in an amazing buffet dinner (game is at 4 so this is our big meal for today) and the company is so much fun! Excited to go!

Wishing you a wonderful sunny day today.

I'll be back later to catch up on all your blogs!

~ Chy

Anxious Mind.

This is me today. My mind, my gut and my body are full of anxiety. Anything I've tried to make it calm down has not worked. Outside of the same worry we all have, all around the World with this virus, I have a new concern to share today. If you have a spare blessing, please send one to me.

I'm not one to ask for prayers or kind thoughts. I am pretty self sufficient in working through hard times. It is what I do naturally and what I do in my professional life. But this one is different and scary for me. I have tinnitus in my ears. This is new and confusing, exhausting and worrisome. Tinnitus is a constant ringing in both ears, with for some like me, an added bonus of a very high pitched screech as well. Lovely! Last week, my tinnitus changed a bit and on Thursday, I developed a "whooshing" noise in my left ear that mimicked my heart beat. It was so loud I actually couldn't hear out of that ear. Called our amazing family doctor the next morning (it had happened later the night before) and she was immediately concerned in this change. Her plan was to contact my ear doctor, who I had visited in March, just before Covid began. He had set up a CT scan but it wouldn't be until the early Spring of 2021. However, with the change in my hearing with this new sound, her hope was the ear doctor would be able to rebook me earlier. She did call me later that night to let me know that I would be getting a call with my new appointment. I did get a call first thing on Monday morning from the hospital with the date. I now have a CT scan booked for September 23rd. Nervous to see what's going on (don't read Google, it's a bit scary) but happy to be getting in so quick. But then my doctor called early last night to see how I am and if the new date had come through. I thought getting in on the 23rd was amazing but she was not happy with that. She feels this needs attention now, talked in length with me about what to do if I have even the slightest change and that she wants me to call in and get on the cancellation list so we get a quicker answer and treatment if needed. So now my anxious mind is racing and every little move I make is concerning. Waiting for a call back from the hospital to see if I can get on the list and get in sooner. And this is my plea for blessings. I know it's selfish with so much happening outside our front door and you don't know me. But my worry is big and I feel terrified with the what if's. I need to know how to stay calm and well until we can get an answer. I'm thankful for my amazing family and an incredible family doctor who checks in when we're worried about anything. She is comforting but also needed me to know that she's worried and that I need to be on top of this. I'm following her directions and hope that at the end of this anxious filled time, my health will remain well, that this will be a blip with an answer and a resolution, and that life can continue on from this point, with an extra measure of grace and gratitude for this life, as crazy as it may seem at times. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. So needed now more than ever! Namaste.

~ Chy 

Achy.

Life is full of sweet moments and difficult times. Most of the time. there seems to be a balance of the good and then a bit of bad thrown in. I often think the bit of bad is so we appreciate the good that much more. Right now, I have a bit more than just a bit of bad .... lots of stress, lots of worry. The god thing is I'm working through each bit, slowly, piece by piece. It's really the only way I can get through it all. Tedious and not what I'd like to be doing on such beautiful summer days. But the reality is, the stress and worry doesn't go away until the things I have to deal with right now are solved. Something I've learned from many years of trial and error.  Many, many years!

The downside to all of this is that I'm finding I'm holding my stress in my body. And for me, this means I hurt from head to toe. Ouch!! My toes hurt, my hair hurts, my fingers, my jaw, my back, everything hurts! I ache and it's not very pleasant. I know once life settles again, that the hurt, the aches will subside. But until then, I have to just keep pushing through to get to my final goal of peace and no worries again. Can't wait to get there! 

Does your body hold your stress?

How do you deal with the aches?

Update on My Task List.

I posted a couple of days ago with

my long "to do" list that was stressful.

Here's the update on where I'm at:

*call our builder about final construction items ~ 

He was out today with his team and got quite a

few things done. There are still some outstanding

items but now he can see the stress it's been

causing us. Almost done with this part!

*call our gate guy to give him the go ahead ~ 

He was out on Friday and we are now just

waiting for the final design. Exciting!

*visit the granite store to confirm we received

the correct granite ~ a big worry for me ~

I visited the granite store and they confirmed

with me that we did receive the right slab of

granite. Such a big relief!

*finalize the arrangements to dh's dad's

burial in the family plot for his cremains ~

My dh will be calling to set this up tomorrow.

*insure that our documentation is in place

for the upcoming licensing visit for our preschool ~

Finished this task. Now we just need licensing!

*finish up the renos at our other house ~

Quotes are coming in and we also worked at the

house on Saturday and again on Monday. Progress!

*find a suitable and long term renter for the house ~

Ad goes online sometime tomorrow. Yeah!

*move items from our garage into the storage room

so we can park in the garage for the winter ~

We worked on this on Sunday and got about 70% 

of this rather large task completed. Proud!

*call the gravel guy to come and re~gravel our road ~

He was out today. Now we wait for the quote.

*finish up our charity documents for this year ~

Gathered up the documents today and they are in 

my backpack, ready to go to work tomorrow.

*get our banking in order now that our build is

almost completed and we can close out credit lines ~

I have to send our banker some notes tomorrow. 

*finish up the paperwork the at my bereavement

office for fall programming and counselling ~

This will be part of my workday tomorrow and

again on Thursday so it's done before the weekend.

Feeling good that so much of my worry was around

these uncompleted tasks but now I can feel hopeful!!

My Task List ....

 My task list for this month isn't getting

any smaller despite my valiant efforts!

Here's what I need to accomplish before

our upcoming November Break on the 8th:

*call our builder about final construction items

*call our gate guy to give him the go ahead

*visit the granite store to confirm we received

the correct granite ~ a big worry for me

*finalize the arrangements to dh's dad's

burial in the family plot for his cremains

*insure that our documentation is in place

for the upcoming licensing visit for our preschool

*finish up the renos at our other house

*find a suitable and long term renter for the house

*move items from our garage into the storage room

or into the studio so we can park in the garage

*call the gravel guy to come and re~gravel our road

*finish up our charity documents for this year

*get our banking in order now that our build is

almost completed and we can close out credit lines

*finish up the paperwork the at my bereavement

office for fall programming and counselling

Lots to do. Lots to worry about. Lots of deadlines.

But on the 8th of November, all this should be done

and I'll be able to enjoy some much needed down time!

How is your fall task list coming along?

Any big deadlines or worries?

**UPDATE: I have now called our builder and the gate guy.

Pat on the back for me today getting 2 items off my list!!

**UPDATE #2: I visited the granite store today and my

fears were alleviated. We did receive the right granite!!

**UPDATE #3: Finished up all the documentation

for our licensing visit. Now we just need the visit!

**UPDATE #4: Our gravel guy was here today, now

we have to wait for his quote and a date to be made.

Falling Behind.

One of my hopes for 2014 was to write daily in my blog, even if it's just a small snippet of daily life here in our little house in the big woods. I started quite nicely, creating a total of 7 blog posts in 6 short days. And then life happened!

My parents bought a beautiful time share back in 1993, which they used all the time and even gifted us several trips that we were so grateful to receive. When you have a house full of small children and a frugal budget, the opportunity to get away is heavenly! But in time, she stopped traveling and we found our own peace of heaven to visit, so it wasn't getting used as much. Then the company had some issues, ended up in court and had to sell, so all the terms changed and the fees went up drastically, beyond my mom's retirement budget. She tried to see her unit but it wouldn't sell as all the owners were trying to get out at the same time. Then the owners offered a buy out with a huge fee attached. My mom fussed for months without telling us her  dilemma, which was keep paying the ridiculous fees or accept the buyout. She talked with her lawyer and then made the decision, even though it meant her meager savings would be down to nil. Finally, in a moment of desperation, she contacted me, as she needed both my brother and I to sign off on the forms to accept the buyout as well. I went to her house on Friday afternoon, with a bouquet of flowers and some fruity danishes for our tea. We went over the forms and immediately I knew something was out of place. I called the company and discovered that the amount my mom thought she had to pay was actually not what she needed to send to end this mess. I confirmed the correct amount with the rep, then called back again, talked to a second individual who confirmed the details that the first shared with us. Got off the phone, showed my mom the correct figure and she burst in to tears. Such a worry she's carried and now she can sign off this burden without draining her entire savings account. We now have an agreement in place that any financial decisions that cause her to worry she needs to contact me so that I can make sure she's not being taken advantage of. The scary part of all this is if she had not confided in me and just sent the funds, they would have kept the amount instead of letting her know it was too much. Crooks! But now all is well and tomorrow, the documents go in the mail. Done. Fini! Yeah!!

Now we can get back to life again and stop worrying. One less thing for her to pay for each year and I'm hoping she'll consider taking the amount she was setting aside for this payment and put it in to her savings each month. Build it back up and take a trip when she's ready to again. 

Sunday Worry List.

Happy Sunday morning! Dumping my worries here so I can go off to the Dollhouse Show this morning without a crowded head. Apologies in advance!

*Resigning from my theatre group this afternoon. I've held the President's job now for 2 full seasons but it's time consuming & we are needing new blood with more creative ideas than I can share right now to carry on. I've given my all & have a great board but it's time to let someone else take the lead. Worried about the reaction of the cast & crew but comfortable in my decision. 

*Meeting with my staff tomorrow to do reviews. Worried that my lead teacher will not be happy with what I need to share with her about her change in attitude but hopeful we'll reach a resolution. I'd hate to lose her & don't believe we will but it's always tricky when this is the path we need to embark on. Hopefully she's open to the conversation & willing to find a new way.

*Trying to get our construction journey underway with our new contractor. Yes, that's right, a new one. We will be "firing" the other one this week as her lack of confidence, constant errors on our house plan & interesting communication style (that was meant to be sarcastic) have caused far too much stress in our lives in the last 4 weeks. We are now behind in the process but our new builder is confident he can catch us up without any issues. I love his style already & a weight has been lifted. Worried about the meeting to fire her. I'm sure her reaction will be explosive based on our previous encounters. Thankfully, we hadn't signed anything yet or advanced any funds. Gut feelings pay off sometimes!

*A lack of registrations in my bereavement groups is puzzling. Worried that grieving families are not being given our information. Bereavement in our area is very territorial, which blows my mind, as I'm the guy who gives out every one's stuff so families can decide what program or service is best for them. But finding I'm the only one that does that. 

*Wishing my life hadn't become so busy that I have no time or energy for friendships. Worried I'll leave this earth without companionship beyond my family. Feeling lonely & anxious that I have no "circle". I'm the guy that everyone comes to for support, education & advice. But who is there for me, besides my husband & kids, who all have their own lives. I truly understand why some people choose suicide. The pain of daily living can be so overwhelming ....

*Signing a new lease on our centre's space should be an easy process but it's taking weeks to get everything finalized. Worried we'll not get what we want because of the time factor, although to date, the owner has been fine & not pestered us. Still hanging over my head but waiting for board members & our advisor to hurry up & sign!

*Taxes are still sitting on my dining room table to be finalized. Every day, I claim "today is the day". Then my task list gets in the way & suddenly, it's bedtime. Worried they'll call or send a note asking where the forms are. Hopefully, I won't be carted off to jail for not sending in our taxes on time. Refunds are coming our way, but still, I don't like to be late on anything. I did call & they were not worried, just me.

*Finances are great but after doing a breakdown of our building costs yesterday with my guy, we've realized our cushy savings funds may be depleted with the build. We're trying so hard to do this without a mortgage but reality is, we may have to take out a small one to cover the shortfall between the equity in our house, the savings we've amassed & the cost of the build. Worried we'll never get it back to that level again, which in the grand scheme of things, was a bit excessive but made us feel safe & secure. We will build it up & really, at this time in our life, we should be enjoying the security & taking more trips or doing more fun activities. 

I'm sure there is a great solution to each of these but they are so crowded in my head, I can't think anymore. We're going to head out to the Dollhouse Show & try to enjoy some time away from the worry. Then it's time to go to my theatre group's Annual General Meeting, where I will graciously step down from the top. That will be one worry to strike off my list before my head hits the pillow later tonight!

How do you handle the worries in your life?