This is me today. My mind, my gut and my body are full of anxiety. Anything I've tried to make it calm down has not worked. Outside of the same worry we all have, all around the World with this virus, I have a new concern to share today. If you have a spare blessing, please send one to me.
I'm not one to ask for prayers or kind thoughts. I am pretty self sufficient in working through hard times. It is what I do naturally and what I do in my professional life. But this one is different and scary for me. I have tinnitus in my ears. This is new and confusing, exhausting and worrisome. Tinnitus is a constant ringing in both ears, with for some like me, an added bonus of a very high pitched screech as well. Lovely! Last week, my tinnitus changed a bit and on Thursday, I developed a "whooshing" noise in my left ear that mimicked my heart beat. It was so loud I actually couldn't hear out of that ear. Called our amazing family doctor the next morning (it had happened later the night before) and she was immediately concerned in this change. Her plan was to contact my ear doctor, who I had visited in March, just before Covid began. He had set up a CT scan but it wouldn't be until the early Spring of 2021. However, with the change in my hearing with this new sound, her hope was the ear doctor would be able to rebook me earlier. She did call me later that night to let me know that I would be getting a call with my new appointment. I did get a call first thing on Monday morning from the hospital with the date. I now have a CT scan booked for September 23rd. Nervous to see what's going on (don't read Google, it's a bit scary) but happy to be getting in so quick. But then my doctor called early last night to see how I am and if the new date had come through. I thought getting in on the 23rd was amazing but she was not happy with that. She feels this needs attention now, talked in length with me about what to do if I have even the slightest change and that she wants me to call in and get on the cancellation list so we get a quicker answer and treatment if needed. So now my anxious mind is racing and every little move I make is concerning. Waiting for a call back from the hospital to see if I can get on the list and get in sooner. And this is my plea for blessings. I know it's selfish with so much happening outside our front door and you don't know me. But my worry is big and I feel terrified with the what if's. I need to know how to stay calm and well until we can get an answer. I'm thankful for my amazing family and an incredible family doctor who checks in when we're worried about anything. She is comforting but also needed me to know that she's worried and that I need to be on top of this. I'm following her directions and hope that at the end of this anxious filled time, my health will remain well, that this will be a blip with an answer and a resolution, and that life can continue on from this point, with an extra measure of grace and gratitude for this life, as crazy as it may seem at times. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. So needed now more than ever! Namaste.
~ Chy
