There is only one thing in this world that is truly important to me & that is family. I feel fortunate to have created an amazing family with my dh. We have incredible kids & we look forward to many years of watching them grow, individually & as they formulate their own families. Around us, we both have very large extended families. But for whatever reason, we are often left out of family events. I'm not sure if we have done something over the years, or if our parents, with good intention possibly, would often comment on how "busy" we both were, perhaps giving the impression that we were too "busy" for outside of our own little family events. Whatever it is, we are left out & although my dh lets it roll off his back, my heart is constantly aching with the notion that we are not wanted. Tonight, as I took a few moments to scroll through Facebook, I was astonished & taken back to come across some wonderful pictures of my dh's great auntie, who just turned 100 years old this month. And the entire family was surrounding her at her celebration. The entire family was invited to spend time with her, to honor her life & her special day. Everyone, but us ....
And the suckiest part? Seeing it splashed all over FB, without a care that we would see the beautiful family shots. Sisters & brothers, aunties & uncles, son & daughters. All of them. Smiling with love for the camera. Big happy family.
My dh is always the brave one, the voice of reason, the one who doesn't worry about such acts. I am the one who wants to curl up in a corner & weep. Rejection is not my strong asset! We'll weather this, as we have all the other times we were left out. We'll wonder what we did (or didn't) do. We'll wish we could post something awful on FB, but we won't. We'll smile & pretend it doesn't hurt. But in reality, it's harsh, unfair & so thoughtless. A hurt I promise to never inflict on anyone. I couldn't do this to someone else.
What do you do when you are incredibly hurt?
Do you let it go? Or speak your heart?
12 comments:
I tend to let it go because I really do not like conflict and try as hard as I can to create it seldom, if at all.
Thank you Anne for sharing. In time, this will leave my mind and i"ll go back to my happy life. But I wonder why and how we always end up being left out. Did we do something wrong? I wish I knew. All I ever wanted was to be loved and part of something. I can't believe that my family purposely leave members out but here we are!
This is so hurtful,Chy, and hard to understand looking in from the outside. Sometimes in families there is a 'key holder' who arranges family events. Is there someone like that in your family? If so, could you speak to them about this? (You have nothing to lose, you're not currently being invited anyway....) Alternatively, could you invite all your extended family to your home as a housewarming? Slay them with your hospitality and make sure folks know you want to be included in family events from here on in, that you are hurt (but not bitter, and there is a distinction) that you have not been involved with other family events, that you would like to be invited from here. Sending hugs to you. (I really dislike FB, it does a lot of damage with this kind of thing) X
I try not to make it about me. Remembering that things don't revolve around myself. The attention should focus on the elderly relative and how she enjoyed the party. That's all that matters, it's not all about me and my feelings.
At least that's they way I deal. The world does not revolve around me. Mistakes happen. I may get missed, or not invited, or even left out. Perhaps it is not in fact on purpose, or they perceive you to not be interested and so don't go out of their way to invite anymore. There are lots of possible reasons. I think to myself: it's not all about me, so I'm over it. Works every time!
families are so complicated. Anyone who says they have no family conflicts are lying in my books. It doesn't matter what you do or don't do you can't please everyone. Congratulate dh's aunt and move on. It hurts but you have to look after yourselves. A big cyber {{{HUG}}}
I just wanted to say hello I have just found your lovely blog. I am sorry to read your first post about your family. Families are such complicated things my brother for some reason doesn't speak to me but I moved away so I don't let it bother me. I know it upsets my parents I am very close to and he sometimes upsets them to I don't think he means to but he is very black and white and his approach to life. Have you asked your family why they didn't invite you to? I know it sounds a simple request but I also know how hard it is to approach and ask in fear it will upset but your upset so maybe this is the best approach rather than let it hurt you. But if you don't feel able to do that then take a deep breath and move on from it and try not to take it to heart. After all you have your own wonderful children, husband and friends and some times that's all you need its real, honest and true :-) Hugs to you, Dee x
Thank you Penny. We've been left out almost from day one. I truly believe that we don't quite fit in, as we're very artistic but family has always been our number one commitment. We've hosted over the years but it never gets returned. We had thought of a house warming and may still do that. Hopefully, in time, it will change. I may quietly take those members off my FB page so I don't have to see posts and realize we've missed yet another family event.
I really appreciate your thoughts Betty Jane. For me, my angst was really centred around my husband's heart too. I hate how I feel and it's not even my birth family but for him, the rejection has to feel so harsh. We've truly made it very clear that we want to be involved and have gone out of our way to make sure that message is out there but still, we get left out. So we continue on, raise our family and create our own family memories. It's sad not just that we don't get to enjoy such a lovely event but also that they don't get to know our family.
Complicated is a great term Gill. I'm so lucky to have family that does include us. I know those wonderful memories are what will carry us through. The hurt is less today but will not be forgotten. I do know that this is something we'll never to do to our kids. Love and family are just too important to us. Thanks for your kind words.
Dee, welcome and thank for joining my blog. I'm going to hop over and read yours after posting here. Yes, we have asked and the only answer we've gotten is that everyone has assumed we'd be "too busy". Of course, we reply, sweetly and without bitterness, that we're always available for family and that even if we did have something going on, we would always change plans, without a second thought, to attend anything that centres on our family. We're a busy family but not overly, so that comment doesn't make sense but if that's what they think and we can't change it, there's not much we can do. Or maybe we should write all over our FB pages 'oh, we're so bored, sitting at home, doing nothing!!" I'm being catty of course, but busy or not, being part of a family should be something we should have say in. Now I'm off to read your blog!! Thanks for posting.
I just want to cry for you. I have this same problem too. But it's not my family doing it my health is not good. But I still never get to see any one. So heart breaking!
I just want to cry for you. I have this same problem too. But it's not my family doing it my health is not good. But I still never get to see any one. So heart breaking!
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