September 24, 2021
Last week, we had some pretty significant losses at our community hospice. The air became heavy, our hearts saddened and weary. I sat on the floor, outside of one of the suites, when the family asked if I'd be close by. My response "I'll be just outside the door," and that's where I sat for a good part of the day, keeping those out who didn't need to be inside. And present for those who needed a break from listening to the last breaths of their loved one. A break to cry, share and listen. It was an honor to be there and to offer care and compassion. These are the cherished moments that make our work so valuable, and yet, so hard.
I've kept busy all through the week but each family who was grieving their personal loss of their loved one was always present in my mind. By yesterday, I was tired and the tears I had held at bay began to creep from the corners of my eyes. Someone would ask how I was, and the trickle would begin. I spent time in my office, trying to put the sadness aside. And would take breaks and sit in my favorite counselling room. But by the middle of the afternoon, I couldn't keep the tears contained. Dh came and picked me up a bit early and home we went, where I could cry without making anyone else sad. I'm so grateful for staff that knew even though I had smiles on my face all day that something wasn't quite right. As the counsellor who offers support to all, it's sometimes hard to remember that I need to grieve too and feel all the emotions around me. I had today off and it's been a wonderful day of enjoying the sun, putting life back in to order, Zoom calls with amazing people, and dreaming about tonight, tomorrow and the future. I'm feeling more hopeful for returning to work next week. The weekend will be busy but restful so I'm sure my energy will be restored as well. Can't wait!
Hope you've had an amazing week. And that if
you have tears, you are well supported, as I was.