August 7, 2018
Life is Heavy.
Sometimes life gets heavy. Today, with the low clouds, the high heat and a troubled heart, I've tried hard to be good to myself, knowing tomorrow will be better. It's getting through a day like today that is so hard to navigate. I think the hardest thing for me is that I am the counsellor for everyone else. I help individuals and families figure out life and death and everything in between. I'm damn good at my profession and take pride in working with those who struggle. But when it comes to my own "stuff" truly I have no one who can help me. So I go it alone, suck it up and wait for tomorrow. My dh is so comforting and listens well but he can't fix whatever my worry is. My mom used to be my biggest confidant but with her memory fading away, I can't talk with her like we used to. It's hard when we visit and she asks me "how are you?" like she knows I need to talk but I can't. Half of our visit now consists of me helping her remember who each of us is and then the second half is joking around as she shares stories and quips. I love our visits but I miss our old chats. So much ....
For now, I'll muddle through this hard day, get my work done, try to find some special moments and choose between tackling my worries or burying them for another day. One day I hope I can find someone I can trust as much as my mom but for now, after too many incidents where my trust has been broken, I'll have to rely on my resiliency and my hope that as always, tough moments are short lived and the real things that are important are the moments to live and to cherish.
What things make life hard for you?
When life is hard, how do you cope?