Celebrating Ciara.

On the 21st of August, we honored our tiniest baby,

Ciara~Rose Kennedi. She was stillborn @ 8:00 pm

on August 21, 1998. I had only been in labor for a

very short 20 minutes and we had her at home. We

will never forget her short time in our lives and we

 love to remember each year. But wish she was here.

Do you have someone you miss each year?

~ Chy

"Daddy Changed the World."

This tiny girl is Gianna, who is just 6 years old. Her father is and was George Floyd who recently died at the hands of a rogue police officer. I can't imagine the devastation this family feels. How will any of them ever trust again? Will little Gianna grow up a troubled and broken youth, and in time, a damaged adult? Or will this tragic experience create communication, action and as she declared "change?" 

I work in the bereavement field and see the impact that grief has on children and teens. Many even younger than Gianna, with varied ways that their loved one died. All are traumatic in their own right and the ages of these kids sometimes dictates how they will manage grief for their rest of their lives. We work hard to help them learn, grow and heal. So many do not actively seek our services (all offered at no charge) for a variety of reasons and those are the kids I worry about when I can't sleep at night. But I believe Gianna will be different. The country and her own community will have her back. And her statement already shows that she can see the tiny slice of good that has come out of the loss of her father. My hope for her is that her family and her friends will be able to manage the complex feelings and experiences she will have as she grows. For now, she is still so very small and all of this is so very big. But for Gianna, sitting high on the shoulders of a family friend, with a smile that lit up her face, her words that her "Daddy changed the World" have had great impact on a very precarious situation. The World lost a man making change in his own life, a father and a community member. Through this tragedy and the days that have followed, we have gained a new spirit of unrest, a growing energy and a protest that what was cannot continue to be what is. From this tragic act, new hope has emerged for a common ground, heartfelt forgiveness and a peaceful communal existence.

Yes, Gianna, your daddy HAS changed the World.

Namaste.

~ Chy

A Grieving Country.

On Friday afternoon, a bus carrying a hockey team and their support members and coaches was broadsided by a semi trailer truck. Within seconds, 16 were dead and 13 had injuries ranging from minor to critical. This news, shocking and unbelievable, spread quickly across our country. And now we see it is news in other countries. There is so much to take in, so much to think about, so much to wonder. And the big question "WHY" is present in every conversation. These hockey players were young, just babies really, between the ages of 16 to 20. Their whole lives were ahead of them. And in an instant, they were gone. This accident happened in a small community in Saskatchewan, the Province next door to where we live. But it has touched the lives of every Canadian. We are a large country in terms of size. Our population however is small, just under 36 million, tiny compared to so many countries around the World. The size of our vast land makes it the 2nd largest country in mass in the World. Amazing. And yet, everyone knows someone who has been affected by this tragedy because we are all connected. 

For now, in the days after, as we try to make sense of it all, life has stopped. We reach out, we hold, we cry, we rage .... for now, life is at a standstill and this is all that matters. For the families, the injured and our country.

Back to his Beloved.

Today, we had the viewing to say our final goodbye

to our Beloved dad, grampa, pops. He was always a

dapper dresser & today he was outfitted to the 9's!

A beautiful suit, complete with his favorite tie &

his smart hat, perched just right on his head. He

looked so peaceful but I did keep wishing he'd

just wake up. But true to his stubborn streak, he

didn't grant my wish. We spent time sharing our

memories & then headed home. Tomorrow, he'll

be cremated & we'll bring him his urn to keep here

until we have a family celebration later in the year.

We now have both mom's wedding ring & his band.

When we take dad back to the forest to bury his urn

beside mom, his final wish to be with his Beloved will

be granted. Together they walked this Earth for over

40 years. And now they'll be together again, in their

Heaven and I'm sure creating mischief wherever

they trek. Keeps us laughing & feeling comforted

knowing they'll be arm in arm again, after almost 10

years apart. Two loves, scheming & dreaming!!

Eighty Years.

My father in law was supposed to come home

yesterday. But instead, we were called up to

the hospital to say goodbye. In his sleep, his

heart stopped, just hours before his release.

We are thankful he didn't suffer, thankful he

died in good hands & thankful this actually

happened before he came home. I truly can't

imagine the devastation that his partner would

have had to experience had he died at home. 

Today, we're still in shock but starting to make

plans for a formal goodbye. Surrounded by love,

we'll weather this new storm. Dad celebrated his

birthday on Tuesday night with family &

cupcakes & staff who sang to him. He made

it to a very impressive Eighty Years & until

last Saturday, rarely ill. A simple cold here

& there. No chronic conditions, no meds.

He had actually never been in the hospital,

except to visit others. A good life, well lived.

So much Grief.

Our community has been rocked by the

largest mass murder in history for the region. 

Eight murdered by a lone man.

Two children in the group.

Then he killed himself.

As a grief counsellor and educator,

I've been interviewed a number of times

over the last few days. My heart aches

for my community, for the family members

left behind, for the children who knew the

little ones, for the family friends, for all of us 

struggling to make sense of a senseless act.

I have no words. They're used up and gone.

Why do things like this happen?

I'll never understand.

Baby Love.

Ten tiny toes.

Ten tiny fingers.

Eyelashes.

Belly button.

All the things that make 

new babies so sweet.

Three years ago,

on August 8th, 2010,

our tiniest baby was born.

But sadly, he was too tiny.

Too tiny to take a breath.

To tiny to open his eyes.

To tiny to grasp our fingers.

Too tiny to smile.

To tiny to cry.

We miss him every day.

And wonder what he'd be

like today, three years in.